The
Sacred in Sacred Sexuality
The term sacred sexuality is in a way
misleading because it can be interpreted
to imply that sometimes sex is sacred
and sometimes it is not.
As human beings we are born with certain
instincts and urges such as the urge to
eat when we are hungry and to sleep when
we are tired. We also have a sex drive.
All three of these natural urges are
necessary for our survival. Food and
sleep keep us alive and so the innate
need for them is an important part of
our being human, so much so that it the
urge is automatic. Go long enough
without food and your hunger increases
and increases until you can think of
nothing else but how hungry you are
and/or you will waste away and die. In
the case of sleep you will eventually
fall asleep whether you consciously want
to or not.
As humans, our sex drive also has a
purpose. Yes, it helps us keep our
species going by creating new life, but
it has another purpose as well; it is a
homing signal, a reminder of from where
we originated and of what is important
in life. In fact, our sex drive is so
strong and so important to express that
it will be expressed in one way or
another. Even if we try to tame it,
express it in only in ways we think are
socially acceptable, hold it in due to
shame, fear of what others will think,
cultural conditioning or other reasons,
it will express, just perhaps in a way
that is unfulfilling or even violent in
its misdirection. Sex in and of itself
is not dangerous, it is how we approach
it, stifle it, misdirect it and color it
with our own agendas based on past
experiences, beliefs, etc. that make sex
seem like less than the innate,
beautiful, fulfilling experience that it
ultimately is.
One of the reasons we crave sex so much
is because of how wonderful it feels.
This is such common knowledge that it is
woven into our culture in just about
every way possible. It is on our minds a
lot (have you ever read one of those
studies asking people how often they
think about sex?!) and it is even part
of how many of the products we use are
promoted. Sex is part of how we respond
to the people around us, and based on
their response to us, we form opinions
about ourselves. Sex is probably part of
most every interaction we have, one way
or another. It is a mental process as
much as a physical thing that we do with
someone. It is a foundation for how we
feel about ourselves and how we take
that sense of self into the world on a
day to day basis. You can even think of
sex as a currency or current of energy
that we exchange in how we perceive
others, how we respond to them based on
that perception and how we feel about
ourselves as a result. And interaction
and exchange takes place, even if it is
very subtle.
One of the gifts of having a sex urge is
that it drives us to meet that need
which often brings us together with
others who also wish to meet that need.
In the sexual interaction, an energy
(current) exchange takes place
physically but it again also takes place
in how we feel about ourselves and the
other(s) based on the interaction. Our
past experiences have created
expectations of ourselves, of our
partner(s) and of the experience created
together. Where it falls short of
fulfillment, it is easy to attribute
this to something about men, women, sex,
the person or people you are with or to
yourself. Thus sex has the capacity to
stir up a lot of baggage, which we often
continually perpetuate upon ourselves
and each other. When this happens, sex
can feel unfulfilling both physically
and emotionally.
Regardless of how much sex we may be
having, if it is not fulfilling, it just
leaves us wanting more and more as we
try to get our fill. And if we have sex
while feeling lack of trust, past hurts,
repressed anger, etc. it is hard to
really enjoy it fully because we are
closed off to what makes sex most juicy
(openness to experience it). This is
similar to how some people approach food
or other substances or experiences. More
is not necessarily better. Nor is
variety in terms of partners necessarily
going to bring about the fulfillment we
seek, it is how we choose to experience
something that makes it fulfilling and
sustaining. Experiencing the sacred in
sexuality is a path of sexual and life
fulfillment because it helps us to
experience the whole of what sex is and
what we are. Once we experience this
wholeness, everything can be fulfilling
if we so choose. Sex is never quite the
same again.
Sacred sexuality can be thought of like
stopping to smell the roses. Life is
full of colors, textures, small details,
tastes, sounds and more that are always
present when you choose to take notice.
A piece of fruit can be savored for its
color, shape, size, scent, texture,
taste and how it is presented (among
other things). Or in a hurry to feed a
hunger, we can gulp it down and not
notice any of this, and feeling like we
are still hungry for more of something.
Sacred sexuality brings our attention to
what is already present in our own
bodies, in the bodies of others (if you
choose to share the experience with
others) and in what is created between
people in the moment. In this regard sex
is somewhat like dancing. An exchange of
current (energy) takes place that is not
just two or more people, it is something
in and of itself that contains and
includes whoever is present as one
experience together. What s more is that
as you become aware of the sensations in
your own body, it has a positive impact
on the body of your
partner(s) and of the overall
experience.
Some people equate sacred sexuality with
specific types of practices and/or
techniques such as those of Tantra.
Tantra is one approach to sacred
sexuality but there are others such as
Kama Sutra, Healing Love and more.
Also, sacred sexuality can be
experienced and enjoyed any time a
person or people chose to savor the
sensations and experience of pleasure in
the moment. It can be independent of any
specific approach or practices. Many
people find the practices/techniques to
be helpful in learning how to be aware
and present to what is happening in the
moment instead of stuck in the mental
and emotional baggage and limiting self
beliefs from the past.
Since this type of conditioning is so
much a part of how we interact, I
believe learning and using practices and
techniques such as breathwork, sound,
eye contact and body movements are
extremely valuable and helpful.
However, it is important to keep in mind
that these practices and techniques are
not the full picture of sacred
sexuality; they are just ways to be
present and open to the fullness and
wholeness of the moment. Many people
equate sacred sexuality with techniques
and lose track of sacred sexuality in
its whole and ultimate form, which is
the gift of being present (presence).
When people are truly present to
themselves and each other sexually,
their thoughts and baggage melts away
and they become aware of the life force
that sustains and unites them. The
experience of divinity from which they
came opens inside and around them and
the feeling is exhilarating and
pleasurable and much more. It is as if
your senses open up even more and you
feel pleasure/divinity/life force in
greater depth and breadth because you
are open to feeling more of it. It is
always there and it is limitless.
Sacred sexuality opens you to more of
what is always present and this openness
extends beyond having sex to an openness
in everyday life, although the sex is
really wonderful and that is a great
reason for sacred sexuality in and of
itself!
One of the great things about sacred
sexuality is that you can choose to
experience it at any time. Sexuality is
life force energy (current) and it is
always present. With practice you will
be able to feel and enjoy your sexuality
any time you wish, even if you are not
with any other person or not in a
relationship. Sacredness is about how
you perceive things, about the openness
to experiencing the divine within and
around you. Any time you experience life
force energy, you are experiencing
sexuality. And when you shift your
perception to go beyond mental
conditioning, baggage, etc. by being
present to the sensations in the moment,
you are tuning into the sacred.
Sacredness and sexuality are one if you
choose to experience them as such. From
the experience of sacredness and
sexuality being one, you can sense the
sacredness in all experiences and all
people. In life and in the bedroom,
sacred sexuality can include things that
many people would not typically define
as sacred. However, if you are open to
experiencing sacredness, you will learn
from experience that it is everywhere.
It is life changing and ultimately I
believe it is what sacred sexuality is
truly about.
A friend of mine once told me that
sacred sexuality is not so much about
knowing the sacredness in sex, but more
about knowing that sexuality is the
foundation of everything sacred in life
and about life. He dreams of the day
when not only would sacred be used to
define sexuality but sexuality would be
used to define and understand
sacredness. Humanity has separated
itself from sexuality; and when we
objectify sexuality, we objectify
ourselves by cutting ourselves off from
our sacred source. Sacred sexuality is
about being present to the fullness, the
perfection, of our experience as human
beings with our hearts and senses open
to the depth and breadth that life is.
Thank you for taking the journey along
with me. If you would like to further
explore the sensations of
sacredness/divinity as they express
through your body, either in relation to
something specific you wish to
address/create or for enjoyment and the
opening of your senses and heart to what
life has to offer, I offer Sacred
Sexuality Energy Healing sessions and
the Sexual Healing E Mail Attunement.
For more information:
http://www.lindawhitedove.com/SexualSacrednessHealingSessions.html
http://www.lindawhitedove.com/Sexual_Healing_Email_Attunement.html
Linda White Dove
Copyright 2006 Linda White Dove
